I often think back to the last year of my grandmother's life. She was living not fifteen minutes away from me at the time, at my mother's house. Yet I strain to remember how often I went over there to be with her.
I have memories of that last year. Sitting with her beside that puzzle board on the card table. My grandma loved jigsaw puzzles, and she was always working on one. I loved working on them with her. I remember Pam being in that red walker, scooting around the living room on her own. She was almost ten months old when Grandma died. I remember Sarah's little face next to the puzzle table as Grandma gave her a sugar cube for a treat. Sarah would have been six. But that's it. That's all I can recall.
I don't know how often I visited her that last year. I know that I had four little girls and up until Pam was born had been teaching full time. I know that we headed up a large, active youth group. I know I was in church every time the doors were open. I even unlocked the doors when they weren't open. I know I was at church almost every day.
I know I was busy. But, oh, how my heart aches for that time that I could have spent in my grandma's presence but didn't. I have no excuse. I wonder if she sat missing me and hoping that I'd come by when I didn't. It breaks my heart to write this. I can't bear the thought that I hurt her. There is not a physical thing that I possess on this earth that I would not give to go back and spend just one more afternoon with her.
And this is what I always think about when I think about my sometimes pitiful relationship with God. God has given me an earthly illustration to help me understand. It breaks my heart to think about how He wants me to come to Him and how often I don't. I can't write it without crying.
God made me to have fellowship with Him. It's my purpose, remember? People often ask, "What is God like?", but the Bible tells us. God made man in His own image. We are like Him, except He is without sin. He is a God of emotions, of compassion, and of love. He showed me all about Himself in the nature and attributes of Jesus. And He desires to be with me!
We all yearn for love and fellowship. And so it is with the heart of God. He wants me to love Him and to desire to talk to Him. He wants me to run into His presence. But, oh, how I fail Him. I am busy and I forget. I am too occupied with me. I wonder if He sits waiting for me and I don't come by. I know He does and I know that I hurt Him. And it makes me sad. I so much want to do better.
You, too, were made for God. If you do not walk and talk with Him, you are living without fulfilling the ultimate purpose that every man was made for–fellowship with his Creator. But it's not too late to do something about it. And if you do not even know Him, trust Jesus today. There is a blog post pinned to the bottom of the home page of this site that will help you. It's entitled ,"Redeemed'. Run to Him today!
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