Yesterday I awoke to a wonderful thought. My house was filled with people who I love. It's the first thing I remembered as I woke early. Even before I thought to greet the Lord. Even before I remembered what day of the week it was. My first thought was that the beds and areobeds and futons and sofas are all filled up. Filled up with people that I love. That we were all together.
Then, this morning, a similar thought. The thought of how wonderful it is to have pillowed my head with these people all together under my roof. But this morning I woke earlier. And the Lord quickly nudged me to my next thought, in the wee hours of the morning. I quickly remembered. Today they go home. And my heart hurts. :(
Brian and Sarah will be the first to leave. I will take them to the airport early. They will have a long day. They fly across the country to get to where they now call home. Their temporary home. I will cry when I drop them off in a few hours at the airport. I will get back into my car and drive. They make you drive away quickly at the airport. You can't stop long at those 'pick-up' and 'drop-off' spots. Long good-byes are not allowed. But I will pull over just a short distance down that ramp. I will have to do so, you see, for I will not be able to see to drive. I will be sobbing at my loss. I sob now, writing this. Just at the very thought of it.
Sarah is my middle child. She has two older sisters. They are married with children. They are 'Calvin's Mommy' and 'Mommy of Lacey, Lily, Bo, and Leah'. You met them in 'Welcome My Love', back in February. Sarah also has a younger sister and brother. They are not married yet and are with me always. And then there is Sarah Jane. Smack dab in the middle.
Soon after my grandma went to heaven, I discovered a gift that the Lord had given me. He does that with me. He gives me gifts. :) I hesitate to even say this, because it sounds proud. And I'm not. My heart is to be humble and empty, and oh, how I work on that! Every day. But He does give me gifts. And He treats me special. I know that God loves me very much. He reminds me every day in all of the little things He does for me. And sometimes in big things. And this one is big.
So, after God took my grandma away, I soon realized an amazing thing. Sarah had been given the heart and spirit of my dear grandma. She was six at the time. That magical age when a child begins to reveal who they are in their heart and temperament. When the last of that baby innocence falls away and you discover a child's heart and will and spirit. You begin to see who they will be as an adult. Who they will become if they yield to the Lord and live their purpose. You begin to see who God wants them to be. That's why I love teaching this age.
Anyway, all of those years with that terrible fear of what I would do without the love of my grandma. Silly, senseless worry. God had it covered. He always does. When will I ever learn?
Eleven months ago, amid much turmoil, God did something incredible. Sarah, just days before her thirty-third birthday, married the love of her life. She had been waiting patiently for him. And then when he came, we almost missed it. He defied logic. Our logic. My thoughts. I've told you before, my thoughts get me into trouble. Often. My thoughts are not God's thoughts. I can't think like Him. His ways are past finding out. I have learned to follow the Spirit of God as He leads. At least, that's what I want. I try hard. And I try not to think too much. Because it messes me up. It messes with God's workings.
I will share more, someday. More about Sarah. More about Brian. I'll just tell you now that I heard myself say last night that I had raised two sons. One from birth. And one who was in his forties when I first met him. This one spiritually. Both a work in progress (as are we all). Both my sons with all of my heart.
And so, this morning, I will send Brian and Sarah away. They have work to do out there where they live. God's work. They will be back, Lord willing. Soon. And we will talk every day.
I have to get moving. I have sandwiches to make. Lunches for peeps that I love and will miss. Traveling all day makes you hungry. But lunches packed with love make sad times easier. Just a bit. And we need that today.
I will make another trip to the airport late this afternoon. Again, sadness. More stories to write about later. But for now, I'll lean in heavy on the Lord today. And make sandwiches. :)
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