Busy, busy, busy, busy. I thought that as I became older and my children were grown that things would slow down. That I would learn to relax. And sleep more. I had this vision that I would pick up a novel and read it all of the way through without needing to begin it again six times because I'd forgotten who the characters were. I bought a beautiful straw hat at my favorite store with every intention of sitting at the edge of the ocean with my toes in the surf, reading a delicious book. Not for study. Just for fun. I have a pretty matching straw bag to carry the book in. Okay, it's a Kindle. But it's a Kindle with a beautiful leather cover. And it would go in that straw bag. Along with my sunscreen. And my chapstick. I burn easily.
But that's not what is happening. How can this be? This is not what I had planned. As a matter of fact, if you'd asked me just two years ago to sit down and list all of the things that could possibly happen to me during the presumably last trimester of my life, and I itemized items for two weeks straight, only stopping to eat and sleep, and it concluded with 47,972 possible-things-that-might-happen being on that list, what has happened to me would NOT have been on there! No siree, Bob!
Sometimes you just can't plan for what God has for you. It's a surprise. And for a while, it feels like a bullet to the head. Except they are usually fatal. But you don't wake up in heaven. You find yourself still here in your own same skin. And that is the only thing that even feels familiar. Your skin.
Time passes. Difficult times. And then it occurs to you. After the seeing-stars part wears off, you realize that God didn't need your plans. He had plans of His own. He had my life all planned out before I was conceived. From before the foundation of the earth. And that He's not been caught by surprise at all. He knows exactly what He is doing. And He didn't need my permission to do it. He didn't consult with me. He just asks of me submission. Surrender to Him.
Jeremiah 29:11~ "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
All God asks of me is to submit. For it to be about Him alone. To not give a second thought to the opinion of other people. To just blindly follow. To trust Him. And I do. And on the very day of my final surrender, my sight began to return. And now I see a few things. What He has chosen to share with me. And it's good. God loves me very much and is so very kind and sweet to me. How could I not love Him like I do?
Just some musings today. Not where I thought I'd wind up when I started out. But that's okay.
God's got this. And me. He's got me!
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