I've mentioned before that I'm at a place in my life where I sometimes have trouble saying that my walk with the Lord can any longer be called faith. I heard someone say something similar to that from the pulpit recently. It startled me a bit. Sometimes I wonder if anyone else in the world thinks like me. I mean, perhaps my way of thinking is off. The Bible tells us to walk by faith. (2 Corinthians 5:7) So if I am losing my ability to call this faith...
Well, God knows my heart. My reasoning is this: The Bible defines faith as "the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." (Hebrews 11:1) But the Lord's working in my life is sometimes so evident and He speaks to me so clearly that I have no doubt that it's Him. How can that any longer be called faith?
I know Him like I know my son. I don't need faith to know Jim. He is real and solidly present. He hugs me and we talk and laugh and cry and share stuff. I don't need faith to know my son. I just know. I was there when He was born. He is tangible.
The Lord is real like that. Solidly and undeniably present. He walks with me and talks with me. :)
And even with all that going on, He still has to whoop me up the side of the head sometimes.
Last week I was struggling with something. I had been struggling with it for a while. But it was getting worse. Now, the things that give me the most trouble are the things that I find myself wanting to fix. I am a fixer. I need to make things better and easier for everybody. I want to find a solution for the situation I am in. I spend my time thinking of what I might do to make things better and how I might put that plan into action. How I might get things going on the right track. How I can...
Have you ever read Isaiah 4:12-14? The 'I wills' of Satan? You can count on it; you are in trouble when you use the word 'I' as many times as I did in that last paragraph. You see God anywhere in there? Just sayin'.
I look back now and I see that God was continually speaking to my heart about my struggle. He was speaking in His still, small voice. But I wasn't picking up what He kept laying down. I would just step over it and ask again. And think and plan. God must just shake His head. He is so patient with me. I don't know why.
I wasn't listening. I had toned Him out. I was begging Him for an answer, but not listening to a word He said. So He had to step it up. Just like we do with our kids.
He showed me something that someone wrote about her own struggle on her facebook wall. The message was to 'be still'. "Be still, and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) As soon as I saw it, I knew it was for me. Be still. I wasn't listening when God spoke to my heart. So He wrote it down for me.
I promise you that this is the truth. For the next couple of days, everything I heard or read had that same message in it. Be still. Wait on the Lord.
Psalms 27:14 - "Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD."
Be still. Wait. Be still. Wait!
Sometimes the message is 'GO!'. Sometimes the message is 'DO!'. But not this time. Be still. Wait.
So, yesterday between services, I am in my usual spot in the girl's bathroom in the children's wing. Five or six little girls come in while I am washing my hands. It's their bathroom, after all; I am the trespasser. They are working on their memory verse for the second service. The little ones can't remember. So the tallest one in the group is helping them.
And they're talking: "Wait on the Lord. That's it? That's all? Just wait on the Lord? Yes, that's all we need to know. Just wait on the Lord. Oh, okay. Wait on the Lord. I think I've got it. Wait on the Lord. Now you say it. Wait on the Lord? Yep, you've got it. Wait on the Lord!"
So now the Lord's treating me like I'm six. Sometimes that's what He has to do. That's how God is with me. See how loving and sweet? See how this can't be called faith, when He's this real to me? When I'm not listening, He writes it down for me and sends me a love note. And then He speaks out loud. And His voice sounds like a bunch of little girls. He makes sure I hear.
Be still, Barbara, and wait. Love, Your Heavenly Father.
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