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BIG GOD! little me.

A few days ago I told of the Haitian goat who was no more. That was a long time ago, but if you get two or three of us who went on that trip together in the same place, there is a great likelihood that the poor goat will come up in conversation within the first ten minutes. Yes, that was thirty-eight years ago. Yes, the very youngest among us is now in their fifties. Oh, my! I am starting to sound like an old person. Hmmm. I was just thinking. When I was younger I wouldn't have had any adventures to write about. And I know for sure that even if I did, I wouldn't have had enough spiritual discernment to pull out the Christian character lesson from the adventure, even if God had outlined it for me in advance. Lol! I didn't pull any spiritual lesson from the goat story. I left it to you. Perhaps I still have a way to go. ;) Okay, I guess this is the age that I had to be for all of this to happen. And the circumstances. And the time and place. And the events that led up to today. There is nothing like being in God's will and knowing that He is in complete control. It hasn't always been that way for me. I have failed Him so miserably. I have taken it upon myself to decide what God's will was for me, and then pursued it with all of my heart. At any point if you had asked me, I would have told you that I must push on for the sake of the ministry. For the sake of the Lord. I must push on. I must continue in my service for Him! Oh, the things I've learned! Now, things are different. There is not me, serving God. Offering to Him my serving. Holding the things in my hand that I want to give Him. No, that's not how it works. It's not how it ever should have worked. God had to break me. He broke me up good. He had to show me that I had nothing to offer Him. Nothing that I could bring. He needed me to stand before Him empty and broken and helpless and weak. He needed me to be terrified out of my mind. And it was only then that He showed me. That was the only way He could show me. Nothing of Barbara. All Him. His strength made perfect in my total weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9 - "And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Maybe you get tired of me telling you. Maybe you grow weary of me sharing that verse. But I pray that I never cease to be amazed. I pray that I never lose the wonder of it all. It never had anything to do with me. Empty and broken is the only way He could use me. No more Barbara. I've learned to abide in Him. I wish for you to no longer see me. See Him. My sweet and wonderful Saviour, who loved me and died for me. He purchased me! Oh, if I could just tell you! Sarah is right. Now I understand what my testimony is. It's not about the day I trusted Christ. Not the day I got saved. That was just the beginning of my journey. Just day one. My testimony is right now. The things I've learned. And not me at all. That's why it doesn't matter what others say or think. No need to stand up and set the record straight. No need to wrestle in the mud and repudiate the wrong. No. It doesn't matter. Big God, little me. I want to be lost in Him. All Him. And if it took me being shattered into little pieces for me to see that, so be it. I wouldn't take a day of the storm back, now knowing where it leads. This is not where I intended to go today. That has been happening a lot lately. But it's good, here, and we'll stay. If you've never given your heart to Jesus and trusted Him for salvation and heaven, you haven't even begun to live. Your testimony has not ever started. Make today the most wonderful day of your life. Look and live, the Bible says. Trust Jesus today. This post will tell you how. :)

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